It's been a dozen years since my mom went to heaven. Today is 12. Seems impossible. Couldn't be that that much time has passed since I plucked her gray hairs, watched her pull off her waterproof mascara with her nubby fingernails, and heard her laugh that rolling rumble that started in her throat and infected others like a flu--a good flu.
To this day, I remember the long slow elevator ride to the Oncology Unit at Methodist Hospital. Many a day, Kenny G accompanied me...playing that horrendous instrument. (No, he wasn't standing there or I would've jerked it out of his mouth.)
All around me people hustled and bustled. I was suddenly alone, on my own little planet. Except I wasn't alone. There were my brothers and my dad and of course all my mom's siblings, cousins, and my MawMaw and Pops. We were on our own little planet. Nothing on our planet seemed to happen the way it was supposed to though, and that little planet is forever changed. Amazing how the absence of one human being can change the lives of so many people.
Stoney wrote me a thank you note last night for a cookie cake I sent him for his birthday. He said, "The cake was delicious, and remeniscent of the GIANT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE CAKES that she used to make us." I bolded that she myself...he didn't. Just made me think. Without a single mention of Mom in the entire note he sent, one word made me suddenly not feel so alone on my planet. She.
It was she who birthed my brothers and me. It was she who shared the blood of her brother and three sisters. It was she who was an unforgettable daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend and teacher. It was she who loved so hard. It was she who cared about people more than anyone I ever met. It was she who seemed to hold so many people together. And it is she who is the axis of the planet of so many.
Every year Matt gets me a dozen roses for the number of years that she has been gone. I often share them with others. Because that is what she would do. This year, it was a dozen dozen. I might not share them.
6 comments:
This is a beautiful post, PJ. Your mother would be over-the-moon proud of the woman that you have become, and I imagine equally as beaming of the man that you have chosen to love.
I will be thinking of you today.
Lots of love, C
Your posts often make me laugh, sometimes make me cry, and sometimes manage to do both. This one made me cry, just a timy bit. Your mother would truly be proud of you and your family. Cherish those roses, and cherish them, and cherish her.
This is such a beautiful post. PJ, I know your mother is looking down from heaven with a smile on her face. She would be so proud to know that you continually honor her by emulating her. I wish I could have met this wonderful lady. But, in a way I feel like I have, in you. I love you and am thinking of you.
oh PJ! Beautifully put. Tears in my eyes too and also such happy memories of your mom. I can hear that laugh and the funny stories she would tell. I always felt at home, in your home, when she was there, you couldnt help but feel it. Cant believe its been 12 years. Wow. Love you, love Matt and your mom. think i'm gonna go freeze some credit cards now...haha
Hey PJ....I think of her often. I wish so much that I could have known her. You and your brothers are wonderful.
This is beautiful, PJ...just as you are. Love you!
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