waiting

Psalm 130:5-6
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Tonight I brushed my teeth with a green toothbrush. My toothbrush is purple. Purple for PJ – not too difficult to remember though it seems that even remembering to brush my teeth at all is too big a task these days. The days seem to be running together. Trying to balance a meal for my kids seems impossible. I am afraid they may turn into chicken nuggets. Even Matt commented today that I ordered fries for the girls and myself. I don’t even like fries.

Tomorrow we will talk to the doctor and find out if an end to Emory’s NICU stay is in sight. I thought for sure she would come home today. I washed everything yesterday and put a sheet on the bassinet mattress. I even laid out a burp cloth in the place her tiny head will go. And I put yet another hat out to try on. So far three have swallowed her entire head – face and all.

The nurse told us to bring a car seat up to the hospital. They are going to do a “car seat challenge”. Another milestone before she will be allowed to come home. She must stay in the car seat for an hour with continuous respiration. This means she has to keep breathing. Apparently it is common for NICU babies to stop breathing in their car seats or different positions. Who knew? Hopefully, we pass the car seat challenge.

The nurse also gave us a card today for a good pediatrician. We are very grateful for this as we know no one in this area.

No tests were run on Emory today, but she remained in the NICU. Her nurse informed me tonight that she was one of three babies that will be moved to the Intermediate Care Nursery sometime in the next day or so depending on staffing and nurse to baby ratios. However, she did say Emory was not the next candidate to go. Someone is before her. We haven’t visited that nursery yet but are sure it is just as wonderful as where she is now.

Tomorrow we hope to have more answers. We have many questions. What are you currently watching? What progress does Emory need to make? When will our family be together – home? All these questions seem so simple to answer yet I am left so uncertain. The only thing that brings me hope is knowing how good God has taken care of us through the first days of this journey. He has orchestrated it all so beautifully. One day, we can tell the whole story when you have time, and you can count with us the many miracles we have known.


Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Psalm 20:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

just breathe

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14


Emory is doing so well that she is a candidate to be moved to the intermediate nursery. She will remain in the NICU to continue being monitored and will not be moved unless there is a need for bed space for a child in more severe conditions. The ratio of nurses to babies is better in the NICU so we hope she stays there. She is doing so well.

Emory nursed twice today and was bottle fed at her other feedings. She is now breathing room air with out the nasal tubes. She remains connected to only 3 monitoring devices which check her oxygen saturation, her heart rate, and her respiration. What a difference in just a couple of days. How exciting to be nearing the day when she will leave the hospital with us. We receive more information concerning her health daily. She will have monthly vaccines for RSV and need to have check ups with a pediatric lung specialist for a while. PJ was given a child CPR class by one of the nurses because “sometimes these little ones forget to breathe.” All these things keep us balanced in our joy and concern. We are constantly reminded of the awesome thing it is to be alive, to have life in our body.

I went to church tonight and was overwhelmed with the presence of God - His nearness and mercy toward me and my family. He reminded me in a loving way of the events that have taken place in the last weeks. From PJ’s health to Emory’s birth and life, I understood more clearly God’s active role in sustaining PJ’s life and giving breath to Emory. And I understood my lack of ability to do anything really. I saw more clearly my desperate dependence on a loving and good God. I wept from a full and grateful heart.

Our faith is not one of following Christ if we get what we want. God gives and takes away and is always worthy of our devotion. But that He chose to show me mercy, to come to my aide, to help me in my helplessness… what can be said?

In Genesis we learn that God formed Adam from the dust, be he had no life until God breathed life into Him. You and I are receiving that breath at this moment. What care we are being given and at such an intimate level, yet we often feel that God is so far away, if there is a God at all.

Each breath. I have watched Emory’s breaths, levels on monitors, her chest and stomach rising and falling and all the worries and sighs of relief that come with it. It exhausts me in minutes. Yet several times a minute, 1440 minutes a day, for how ever many years you’ve been breathing, God has carefully made sure that you have your breath; that I have my breath; that Emory has her breath. Each breath - a life giving gift that we did nothing to deserve or earn and that we can’t supply for ourselves. Don’t believe me? Try to put breath into someone who has none.

But you’re still breathing, and so is Emory. How? Why? The goodness of God. He must really love you.


"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." Rev. 4:11

one week

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8

Today Emory completed one week of life on earth. I am so blessed to know her. We reached goals today to celebrate her life. She was moved from her plexiglass condo to a real live nursery box. Though she continues to spend her days in NICU, she at least gets to be in normal air. This means that she has been maintaining her temperature well enough to test out how her body is working without the confines of plastic and artificial heat. She also had the feeding tube removed from her mouth/stomach. The doctor ordered a halt on IV fluids and a move to a lesser amount of oxygen to be sent through her nasal tube. All of these blessings mark a day of progress and a light at the end of this tunnel. I can’t imagine the mommies who can’t have their babies home with them for months. The constant trips to the NICU and dragging our family from McDonald’s playground and attempts at home schooling in between times have definitely been trying. Knowing God is with us and seeing the evidence of how He has taken care of our family gives us peace and the ability to be flexible and patient.

The highlight of the day today was that Emory nursed for the first time. Some may think this is odd, but for a mother who nursed both of her older children, it is, quite possibly the best gift aside from getting to bring her home from the hospital. God’s mercies do endure forever.

my arms ache for her

for the first time in 5 days we were able to hold emory. she is maintaining good levels though her respiration varies and at times is high. eating is going well. before each feed she is checked for residual, (left over), food in her stomach from the last feeding. only once today did she have any residual and it was a small amount. this is checked because she requires the use of oxygen to digest. residual tells the doctors that emory is using all her oxygen to breathe; or, if there is no residual, it tells them she has sufficient to breathe and digest.

until the afternoon, all feeding went through a small tube directly to the stomach. with rapid breathing, there is a chance of aspiration if she eats by mouth. the nurse was pleased with her respiration levels, so around 4:00 pm emory drank from a bottle. no problem. this is one of the three things she must be able to do on her own before she can leave the hospital.

today’s x-rays show that the lungs are better than before, but are still not functioning to capacity. for this reason she is still receiving oxygen through the nasal tube.

another thing on the “hoping for list” is for emory to be moved to an “open” bed. this will mean she is able to maintain her body temperature - a second thing she must do before leaving.

continued thanks for prayers, emails, calls, and comments. what a blessing to see the friends emory has before she has even left the labor and delivery floor.


I will sing of your strength,
in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress,
my refuge in times of trouble.
Psalm 59:16

the Lord's day

But I cry to you for help, O Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you. Psalm 88:13

pj arrived to visit emory and was met with a wonderful number on the breathing machine. 27%. within minutes the doctor was talking about removing the breathing tube and machine. shortly after, what we thought would happen in several days was done. she was off the ventalator. she maintained great levels all day and was able to eat. (through a tube to her stomach) she still breathes fast, so there is a risk of choking if she eats by mouth. tomorrow's goal is mother's milk from a bottle.

emory had her first bath at 5:45 pm. she had both eyes wide opened, was very alert, and beautiful. today's progress was more than expected. we are overjoyed.

joy comes in the morning

today was a good day for emory. her oxygen levels remained steady and breathing was not so much of a struggle. after her surfactant treatments yesterday, she was given oxygen at a 45% level. today that was slowly weaned down to 30% by 6 pm. we breathe room air at a 21% level, so that is the goal in the next days for emory. her bilirubin levels are still high so she continues with light treatments.

we are continually thankful for the prayers, emails, and phone calls. in this sometimes surreal experience, we are greatly encouraged by family, friends, and the words of God. his faithfulness and help to us continues to be wider than the sky and deeper than the sea. on this day in 2001, we found out we were pregnant with trinity – after being told we would not be able to have children. many other experiences with God’s goodness towards us cause us to wait patiently, peacefully, and hopefully in these days.

as we were leaving the NICU this afternoon, pj said, “i can’t leave, she won’t let go of my hand.”

"And remember that I am always with you until the end of time." Jesus to his disciples