There's no "P" in My Potty

I wrote this article for the March Edition of the Rio Kids Magazine which has graciously published 3 stories of mine since December. I am very humbled that they keep coming back for more of my nonsense, but I especially had fun writing this one and wanted to share it with anyone who wants to read it. If you want a copy of the mag when it comes out in print, let me know. Enjoy!

There’s no “P” in Potty
by PJ Burton

Ahh…potty training. Quite possibly the most daunting task a parent will ever face. The ongoing, daily struggle that can last weeks and sometimes years as you attempt to teach your child the most important lesson of his life…how to go to the bathroom. This job is not for sissies. Yes, many wish for a potty training boot camp where they can send their tot off to tackle the task, but the truth is, we must arm ourselves with our own boots and often times, rubber gloves, and face this monster head on.

I am not perfect. I can’t take credit for potty training (on my own) my first daughter. I left that task to beloved Mrs. Roberta who took care of our dear one while I trained the young members of the junior high where I worked how to manage their hormones and learn a bit about Language Arts. One would think my background as a teacher would automatically make me a pro at teaching someone else a new trick. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Day in and day out, Mrs. Roberta would remind me oh so politely to send Trinity “in underwear, please. Don’t worry, I will take care of the rest,” she’d reply almost daily as it took my “I hate cleaning up gross messes” self quite sometime to comply. Once I did, however, the results were amazing. Apparently, Trinity inherited my “I hate messes” trait and decided she would rather go on the potty than feel the mess her body could make. Two weeks later and that was that. We graduated from diapers size 4 to princess panties size 2T and a lot more manageable grocery store bill.

Now, five years later, we are potty training round two. This time, without the help of Mrs. Roberta. I have given up my teaching job to stay at home with the three girls we have been blessed with. But, since I never really knew what potty training completely entailed, I seem to be in need of a tutor.

I ask multiple times throughout the day if Micah would like to go to the bathroom. Maybe she would like a jellybean…or a marshmallow. Each attempt at bribery allows one performance on the potty, then no more. A jellybean (actually a handful of them,) produced a lovely prize. Then, months went by of the statements, “no, I don’t wanna jellybean anymore.” After that, a marshmallow allowed for a musical tinkle that made me so proud and have the thought, “this is it! I have taught her well.” Much to my dismay, the marshmallow has lost its effect, and there is no “p” in my potty.

So, as I begin each day with the thought that today could be the day that the potty becomes our friend, I relax and remember what Mrs. Roberta used to say, “don’t worry.” And I vow to do just that.

If the “don’t worry” mindset isn’t for you, check out these great resources in your quest to put some “p” in your potty.

•For free downloadable potty charts, check out www.pottytrainingconcepts.com
•Read an article that claims you can potty train your child in 2 days at www.mommyenterprises.com/potty_training.htm
•Purchase our personal fave, Elmo’s Potty Time DVD where you can learn every possible name for going potty.
•Moms and dads might find solace in the Parents’ Book of Toilet Teaching, by Joanna Cole or Toilet Learning: The Picture Book Technique for Children and Parents, by Alison Mack.
•This video is anatomically correct. Choose the one that corresponds to your tot-in-training: Once Upon a Potty for Her (and for Him).
•And, quite possibly, the most entertaining of any potty training aid I have yet discovered, the quite comical Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi.